APOLOGIZE LATER
"True healing is realizing you were never sick in the first place"
-Duncan Trussel
Throughout the creation of these writings, I have gained an array of new perspectives about life itself.
This practice has forced me into a sea of consistent growth. Exploring each and every mistake I have made and coming to conclusions on how to not only reverse their effects, but prevent them from reoccurring. For the simple purpose of creating my own version of peace.
Within the silence that is needed for me to write, I come to notice that this sea of self-improvement I swim through, is the exact body of water that will drown me if I refuse to take a rest.
THE BIGGER PICTURE
The tide that flows here is one that surely obtains the ability to break me down. Mind, body, and soul.
In order to get my messages across to each beautiful human that reads, I truly have to accept myself in my most raw form. Coming face to face with my fears, mistakes, shame, guilt, embarrassment, and more is a task that takes an unimaginable amount of courage.
From the beginning, it seemed so simple. Confront my problems, fix them, and move on.
Within each individual lesson that may be the case. However, turning this into a constant practice with few breaks in-between happens to have an opposing effect on the bigger picture.
MY EXPERIENCE
Upon this journey, I have had the pleasure of opening myself up to the harsh truths of many conflicts.
From my emotions as well as the damages they cause. My lies, failures, the ways I treat family, friends, and women as a whole. I have learned about my honest views towards equality, racism, sexism, relationships, as well as many other disconnections involved in both the physical and spiritual worlds I find myself entangled in. Not to mention the misconceptions I once had towards currency, drug use, and even sex itself.
It has been beyond pleasureful to create various treatments for the poison I consume. Although, even after all of the work I have completed, I can’t seem to help but feel sorry for myself.
MY APOLOGIES
Despite each cure I have found, I continue to dream of this perfect version of myself that I may never come to meet.
For a man who continuously chases perfection, I must admit, the most difficult lesson I have come to face yet is the fact that perfection is unattainable.
In fact, the most productive thing we can do for ourselves, in my opinion, is to simply sit with the silence. To understand not only that we are who we are, but that we are exactly where we are meant to be. No matter how peaceful or destructive our thoughts, emotions, families, or lives as a whole may be, we are perfect.
So… as I sit here in my own silence, I find the exact peace that I aimlessly search for. I am exactly where and who I am supposed to be.
I am a liar, a cheater, an asshole, emotional, hot-headed, selfish, arrogant, pessimistic, greedy, narcissistic, and dishonest. I am also beautiful, intelligent, strong, courteous, courageous, hard-working, dedicated, loving, kind, enlightened, but above all else, I am imperfectly perfect.
Within the sea I was slowly drowning in, I finally found the option to float. With that being said… rather than continuing to feel sorry for myself, I will proudly save my apology for later.
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