I LOVE YOU MARY JANE

There once was to be a day, before all the peace. A time where consciousness had been flooded with the overbearing stream that was the fear of the unknown. Stranded within a subconscious jungle of self-loathing.

Like any jungle, beyond the beauty of all the life that grows, there are dangers to be aware of. The predators here do not show their teeth, as they are disguised as the trembling pain of anxiety, depression, and poor mental health.

As these predators stalk their prey, they strike with the power of their self-sabotaging venom. Once bitten, it is not the poison, but the resulting effects of self-harm and trembling panic attacks that kill you. Designed to make you destroy yourself from within.

Misuse

Among all the hazards found in the jungle, that is this imperfect society in which I aimlessly roam; it was the rumors of your medicinal value that intrigued me the most.

When I was first introduced to you, your rituals were purely for the selfish purpose of getting high. Once life decided to take a serious turn, I quickly found out the negative results rising out of that selfish behavior of mine.

For years you gave me uncontrollable laughter, though, all I seem to remember is your betrayal towards our relationship. One day, your reefer-love filled me with laughter, but the next it seemed to aid my self-sabotaging behavior.

I still remember the day I overused you, rather than finding serenity in my torturous thoughts, I had unintentionally forced a headspace much worse. Bringing me to the top of that rickety bridge one dark and still night, searching for a way to end the conflicting thoughts that were uncontrollably battling one another.

Although I have come to an understanding that it wasn't you, it was simply me and my immature approach towards my consumption of you.

It became effortless to resent you a long time ago. However, as time continued, the gossip that roamed of your delicate and unique flower gave me the itch to visit your side of the wild once again.

Due to my desperation for finding overall health, I became much more willing to put aside my grudges and reconnect with that sweet aroma of your hazy smoke. For I understood the power that your bud possessed, and realized it was time to make the mature decision; to introduce a proper ritual to truly experience your medicinal benefits.

Rediscovering the Flow

Before I agreed to sink back into your roots, it was critical to find respect for your potential first, rather than emotionlessly using you for a quick buzz. A pointless high that left me lazy and depressed, instead of healed and enlightened. Paying deeper attention to your effects is what made me understand the balance between one body, one mind, and above all 'one love'.

It turns out, that is all our relationship ever needed… respect. It was never that you tried to hurt me, our separation was simply a result of me misusing you for the wrong reasons.

As I slowly introduced you to my regimen with pure acceptance, you showed just how much you could help. The beautiful meditation found within your stoney embrace introduced me to not only unadulterated health but showed me how important something as simple as being aware of the breath that flows through my anatomy can be.

I should have never blamed you, I should have blamed myself.

No matter what, you will always have the same purpose. It is us humans who possess specific differences to be aware of when utilizing the sublime, yet mind-altering substance that you are.

Your capabilities successfully turned all of the overbearing thoughts of failure into remarkable dreams, gifting me, for the first time, an understanding that self-love was actually obtainable.

Falling in Love

A relationship that once felt so foreign, ended up becoming a stronger bond than I ever thought possible.

Sharing each other's dreams, as we sat together and watched the rise and fall of the Sun through the trees, is exactly where I began to fall for you.

As we proceeded to make our stoned love, I had formed a longing for your intimacy. Not only enjoying all of your senses but craving them; causing me to feel comfortable with sharing my emotions with you.

Maybe that's exactly how I knew for a fact that I loved you. You introduced me to an evolved version of myself whom I had never met before.

It blows my mind thinking that this love we share, was exactly what brought me to sit upon that bridge years ago in the first place.

It took a lot of maturing to set aside my own judgment and realize; just because we had our differences, does not mean that we don't belong together.

Now, as we sit amongst this mountain top together, overlooking the beautiful river that flows below, I would like to say not only that I love you Mary Jane, but thank you… you didn't just share with me your soul, but you helped show me mine.

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